Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
