The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
