sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
