please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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