Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
