I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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