Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
