Im at strip club and am horny
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
