At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's blow job season.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
