Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
