were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
