The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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