he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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