u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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