You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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