my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
