great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she woke up with a sticky ear
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
