I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
