Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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