Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
