is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
