vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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