Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How external is "for external use only"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
