I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize