a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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