Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
