Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
