i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
