This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
