Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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