3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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