After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
