Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
