Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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