I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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