I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
