At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
