Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
