I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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