Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
