Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
