It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
