i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
