I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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