it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize