Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
