Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
