I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
