I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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