DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
