I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
