watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
