I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
