I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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