Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
