i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
