My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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