fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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