My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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