Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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