This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
