i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
