someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
