I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
