tell your sister to shave her snatch
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
God, I missed his penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
