So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
