I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
