Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
