You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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