Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
