Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
