your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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