Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
