can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
