whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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